omg. cody has a blog.

I’ve realized that there are certain sociological behaviours I’ve observed in queer culture that I never really thought about until I had to describe them to a straight person. I prefaced the matter with “you have to be gay to understand I guess” and realized that you really do.

In terms of power and role, there are certain things that straight couples never really have to worry about. It’s clear which party usually holds the power in a straight relationship due primarily to their sex. But when both parties are the same sex, things get more complicated. Different features all attribute to who gets to be the dominant party: age, height, weight, muscle, masculinity, etc. Alternatively, by not being the dominant party, you more times than not become the susceptible party. The susceptible party is what you would usually identity as the “less attractive” one (though not always). It’s the one who clings, who wants to be with the dominant party more than the dominant party wants to be with them. As a result, they become more clingy, expose themselves and lose power in the situation. As a result, one of their benefits is that you can always know how they feel about you. The dominant one, on the other hand, is the one who is usually more likely to cancel a date, be flaky, or cheat (if it gets that far).

The more of these dominant qualities you have, the more likely you are to become the dominant one and hold the power. Usually, the dominant ones are the assholes because they are aware that they’re usually the “more attractive one” according to societal archetypes. As a result, it’s usually a one night stand sort of thing with these guys unless they have a thing for the kind of Susceptible Party that they’re screwing (ie: twink, bear, etc). They’ll usually only date someone of equal or greater dominance. But ironically enough, if they find someone more dominant, the entire process can be reversed on them.

It’s for reasons like this that I think I’m not particularly attracted to unrealistically muscular guys unless I’m just looking for a one night stand. Because I know that going after them is unrealistic and I’ll only get hurt. I tend to go after bigger cuter guys because I manage to take on the dominant role in those relationships. I like playing the dominant role because I know what they’re thinking and am able to trust that they won’t cheat or lose interest quickly.

There are a lot of choices and circumstances which play into who can acquire a dominant role. For example: who’s house you go to (also true in straight relationships) and whoever makes the first move because they expose their feelings quicker (slightly different from straight relationships). 

Note that these roles don’t specifically apply to tops and bottoms though they do play a role since dominant parties tend to like holding onto their dominance and usually prefer topping for that reason. do